I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
