I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
high people should be assigned attendants
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
