The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
