The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
me + whiskey = a bad person
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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