This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
