If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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