my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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