I skipped work to stalk him.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
