It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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