A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
