i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
