Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
