I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
