I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
