i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
