90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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