I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
