I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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