I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
