i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
