I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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