god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize