Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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