If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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