Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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