Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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