he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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