i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
