are you still at the devil's house?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
