does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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