i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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