dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
