i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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