do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
