i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
