Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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