The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize