he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
