He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
