I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
