living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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