dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
