I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
