Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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