She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
