The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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