officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
