Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
