I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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