I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
