He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize