This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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