Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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