Can i not drive my cunt home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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