Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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