I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
