No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
