i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
