No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Houston, we have a squirter
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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