Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
