i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
