i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
