I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
