I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We are two peas in an std pod
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
