Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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