Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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